But do any of these “boundary-pushing moves” ever work? We collected some of the more common Cosmo tips and ran them by a group of New York men. Their general response: Mind blowing. Not the sex, mind you. The ideas.
“Cup his hand against your mouth, and flick your tongue quickly in and out of the center of his palm.”
* What’s that, Helen Keller? There’s a fire in the barn and Billy is trapped? - Soren, 37, comedian
“Make a silly bet to be paid off in sexual favors, or play a board game naked in bed and agree that the loser has to grant the winner one lusty request.”
* Everybody wins in a sexual bet, but playing naked board games is like donning a tuxedo to watch New Year’s Eve on TV. Board games don’t quicken the pulse, and whatever competitive thrill they impart is canceled out by the fact that it takes 17 hours to complete a game of Monopoly. Meanwhile, you’ve been beaten into fiscal ruin by a naked hotel baron. - Brendan
* I’m not sure I know anyone who’s patient enough to complete an entire six-hour game of Scrabble while a naked girl is a few feet away, but OK. Consider this a lesson in delayed gratification. - Markus
“Chill a bunch of marbles in the fridge. Toss them on the bed and make him lie on them while you straddle him.”
* Bitter cold is not conducive to sex. Neither are marbles jammed in the small of your back. Why not just bang in a walk-in freezer while someone named Rabbit punches you in the kidneys? - Markus
“Slip a glazed doughnut around his manhood and nibble it off.”
* I love doughnuts and I love oral attention - just not together. The image of her biting and chewing in that region makes me wince. Plus, how good could it be for her? - Chuck
* Great, if you’re f - - - ing Homer Simpson! - Markus
* After a stunned silence, I came to the conclusion that Cosmo is testing your obedience so they can take over the world. Now, they have actually come up with an idea too degenerate for pornography. Not even Sarah Silverman could pull off the necessary comedy and hotness to make this work. In fact, this idea is so unarousing, I’m pretty sure the doughnut would slip off long before you took a second bite. Gentlemen are strongly advised not to try the “Munchkin” counterpart to this move. - Brendan
* If that’s what it takes to enjoy Krispy Kreme guilt-free, then I just feel used. - Soren
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